The Fool: Hobo Ego
from a study for “Unto,” from “The Fool”
I feel like I have been in an odd sort of limbo for the past 12 months. A year ago, I extracted myself from life as I knew it to venture out into the wild, blue yonder as an artist and writer. I had been showing my work for over ten years and had even published a book of literary short fiction but I had always done these things side by side with making a living and raising a child. This time I was leaping into the void without any guarantee and I knew with every grain of my being that it was the vital element in finding the fruition of my most core existence. Leaving a successful professional career and my comfort zone were the biggest ego f**ks of my life. It was a big swan dive into the vast and black unknown. The phone stopped ringing. The invitations stopped coming. I put myself into intentional hermit-hood and steeped in the blanket of silence that settled all around me. Little by little, shards of light started to perforate the veil around me, not automatically, but driven by time, contemplation, discovery and a true archaeology of the soul. A rebirth borne from darkness that could not be foretold in words, advice, instruction or guidance, but had to be felt and simply lived through with the blindest of faith and authentic conviction. And in the end, things started to happen: my face started changing, my flesh started molding, my roots started to ground, my solar plexus alchemized into steel, my voice started to sing, my skin started to fit, all fear fled my brow and in the end, I even found true love.
I endured a sort of baptism by fire in my role of emotional hobo, hobbling from place to place with nothing but my past in one small sack on my back; a room full of possessions – only the utmost necessary, and an intention to create.
I felt a little like the Fool in the first card of the major arcane of the tarot; wide-eyed and full of wonder, innocent and wandering, resplendent in raw vulnerability and the newfound ability to be naked in front of strangers free of pride. This precious little fool ended up coming to me in dreams and inevitably is what inspired the current work I am busy creating based around the concepts of becoming empty-handed in order to be poured fully, a hearty cup of magical new life and love. Over and over again, the process continues like a wheel that rolls …
From the Anand Sahib:
There is nothing more to seek and nothing more to gain. A blessed person who has ever tasted this Bliss once, will never run after material happiness in finite and perishable objects. All wanderings of the mind cease.